4 posts tagged “depression”

So, they upped the dose of Zoloft. I'm starting therapy again (wahoo) and hopefully my therapist can find a balance or a decent combination of drugs that help with the depression and the anxiety. My doctor also ran the idea of possibly being bipolar past me. Wouldn't they know off hand? I'm not sure. Anyway, my medication selection is limited because of the nursing, but I'm staying hopeful that something will work. In other news... Amelia is a month old, well... actually a month and 5 days. Wow, time flies. She has gotten so big and is starting to develop such a demanding little personality. I love it! I have def. decided against going back to work. I can't leave the girls. Katherine has gotten so used to me being around, and I have yet to leave Amelia, even for five minutes... so work is out of the question. I'm not complaining though :) I love staying home with them! As for my new year resolutions... well, I have broken pretty much all of them. No worries though, I will start over in February. My view is that they are new year resolutions, so technically I have a year to achieve them, before the start of the new year next year. Make sense? I know, excuses, excuses, but hey, if they work then they work! 

Today we went to visit friends. We also stopped by my work. I have to admit it was really fun because last time I was in there I was really really pregnant and to see everyone's eyes. Wow, it was def. a self-esteem booster. I caught up with a bunch of people at work and then left. I started my Zoloft today too, I really hope it helps. I didn't get to see much of Bobby today though. When he woke up I was kind of grumpy and had to make dinner, and then during dinner my dad came for a visit and took up much of my time. Oh well, he's off the next two days. I didn't get anywhere with the apartment hunt... probably wont until after the new year, BUT(!) I did get Amelia's birth announcements ordered (Go Me). Anyway, I have a mountain of laundry and a baby calling me. 

I've been handling the depression fairly well lately. I had been avoiding my friends and only talking to my family, but yesterday I got on the phone and computer and caught up with a couple of them. Yay! Nursing is going better, I have started pumping to keep my supply up, but Amelia is starting to seem more interested in it as well (maybe it's because of the pumping?). Also, I finally finished all my Christmas shopping yesterday. Now I just need to wrap everything- it's going to take forever!! Katherine is still having a few problems listening, but I've been working on it with her. I was a very lax disciplinarian  before Amelia was born, and I don't want Katherine to associate stricter discipline with her new baby sister. I'm worried that that could lead to problems down the road, you know? Anyway, if I stay busy then I'm fine. Sometimes though, I do get that feeling that my house of cards is about to come tumbling down. The feeling is becoming rarer and rarer though. My next big goal is to find an apartment. Hopefully one that needs a curtisy officer... that would be fantastic. Ooh and to lose some more weight, I'm half way there, but I heard the first half usually just melts off, it's the last half you have to fight. 

I've almost made it twenty-four hours with out crying. Not that I haven't wanted to, but the feeling has lessened over the past day or so... I still plan on asking my doctor for nursing safe anti-depressants tomorrow. I was on them (actually a nice little cocktail of them) before getting pregnant and I really do think I need something now. No worries though. I did alright last night, a lot better then I expected. I managed to get the girls to bed early (before 11) and I was in bed shortly after. I texted Bobby every time I woke up to nurse to tell him to hang in there. He should have gotten off at six or shortly after, but they got a really weird call around five, and had to write the reports and wait for the detectives and other officers to get to the scene, so he didn't get off until after 8. Figure in the hour and a half drive... poor guy. I came home from Amelia's first appointment around 11 and saw a drink, and I was like what the hell, then I remembered that this is his night time now, and will be for the next month, but wow, it was still a little shocking. I took Katherine downstairs after we got home, and asked my MIL to watch her so that I could get a little nap, it kind of worked... got some cleaning done, ironed B's uniform, uploaded pictures (check them out ) and did a little Christmas shopping. My mother in law even offered to let my use their SUV (I drive a cougar and it sucks with two car seats and a diaper bag, just way too small) when I wanted to. When I came home I got Bobby up and spent some quality time with him. I think maybe it's his shift that bothers me too, It just seems like more bad things happen late at night and in the wee hours of morning, and I don't want him to get hurt.

i have had a rough time with Katherine lately. She doesn't want to listen to anyone and carries on in her little daredevil ways. I am so worried she is going to get hurt, but the only form of discipline that seems to work is spanking, and I hate to spank. I have and appointment with her doctor on Thursday to discuss that and to get her a flu shot. Wow! thinking about it, I am still averaging a shit load of doctor appointments this week. Hopefully, they will be finished soon. I have another doctors appointment for Amelia next week b/c I'm worried about her weight gain. She lost four ounces since birth, her doctor reassured me that it is ok, but I'm still new to this actual nursing thing and I'm not sure how much she is actually eating. I pumped when Katherine was in the NICU to know exactly how much she was consuming and I hope that I don't have to do the same thing with Amelia, but I do get paranoid and don't want to starve her. Wow, I am so rambling on. Anyway, I hope I make it through the night with out crying... that would be at least a day.