4 posts tagged “fuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk”

My power cord finally caught on fire. I have about 45% left on my battery, and then it's dead. :( Hopefully my replacement cord will be here by next week. I am going to have B look at my iMac and see if he can figure out what is wrong with it...That way I wont be completly with out a computer. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

**Down to 42% now

Maybe writing down how bad in debt we are wasn't such a good idea. Ever since then I have been doing the head grabbing. Head Shaking, Oscar winning Why, oh why? How the hell did this happen? B finally realized we can't possibly move out on just his salary, and then he found out how much credit card debt we are in and got really upset. It's weird, b/c earlier I had been talking to my mom, and she was like, well... If you're moving out after the baby is born then should we get you practical gift cards for Christmas.. like food, and gas. And, I was like... I don't think we are going to move out that soon. I really don't know what to do about this. I don't want to take even more advantage of B's parents by staying here even longer... but I don't want us to live in a place with no electricity or food either.

I just don't know what to do.

Another shitty thing, because of this stupid cold/sinus infection... I have not been able to sleep. I am so fucking tired, but when I try to go to sleep I either can't breathe, can't get comfortable, or can't fall asleep. This sucks, because I had a huge day planned, and I am going to be worthless if I don't get any sleep. Also, being sick makes my morning sickness even worse. It would be so much nicer if I could just throw up and get it over with, rather than just gagging and almost throwing up all day. Anyway, that's enough bitching for now. More later I'm sure.

I have taken the first step. I changed the email address on my paypal account to B's email. Then he changed the password. That way I can't use it. This is a HUGE step b/c I get bored and buy stuff online a lot. I have also surrendered my credit cards. I left one in my car for gas emergencies and or break downs (god forbid). So, like I said. I am trying to take baby steps. I'm also going to try to pick up a few shifts during the day or on a Saturday night for awhile. Every little bit counts. It's going to be hard trying not to live like a princess, but I think I can do it. I din't grow up spoiled, so I am certain I can go back to living without everything I want.

By the way- I'm still sick!

If I see it in writing, then maybe I will understand just how bad it is.
We are currently paying off a 25k loan in that we took out last December to consolidate our credit card bills.
Since then we have put ourselves back into dept. at least 16k.
In addition to this 41k worth of dept we have, we also have a 3k student loan that we have to pay back.

I am currently not working, and only have two years of school behind me, with a decent (although, i think of it as low) gpa b/c the last two semesters I was in school I dropped out after the withdrawl date.
B currently makes a little over 2k a month, and a little bit more with the army.
We owe 540 a month to pay off the loan
our cell phone bill is usually around 150 a month. We can lower that though, easily
Our insurance is 150 a month, curves is 30 a month (which, I should cancel since I don't go), student loan is 55 a month, but I try to pay a little bit more a month to get it over with.
The rest of the money goes to credit card bills.
Luckily, living with B's parents has helped out in the rent and utility department, not to mention the food department. We have it really good here. Downside is, we are STUPID and spend b/c we know we don't have major bills to worry about. Why? I don't know. I can sum it up to us being spoiled, selfish, STUPID people.
Neither one of us owes anything on our cars, but we both have cars that aren't really the best for families. IE- two door, bucket seat early twenties type cars.

Ok, so putting this in writing should hopefully make me understand
#1 we cannot afford to spend. Esp. if we ever want to move out of his parents house
#2 even though I bitch about wanting and needing a new car. No! I shouldn't even consider it
#3 i really need to figure out a way to finish school. We will never have enough money with just B working.
- this however, leads to two other problems #1 what should I do with the girls? I don't want to be one of those parents who leaves her kids all day long while she goes to school and works. I was brought up that way. Trust me, it sucks. I also think this is why my mom and I aren't as close as some of my friends are with their parents. #2 what to do about work. I need to work too, that way we can pay off our bills sooner and get out. B's parents are ready for us to leave too.
#4 after A is born, i really need to get my tubes tied or let B get the vasectomy. Birth control just doesn't work for us, and I have had such horrible morning sickness with both girls, that working is almost next to impossible.

There are more things that I understand, but I'm trying to finish dinner. So, this will have to wait.